Sound the Bugle Now
by mutantpenguins
Summary: Set directly after Harry's parents died. Severus walks into Godric's Hollow to find his Lily dead. *Not Lily Potter, a different Lily, details inside!* How can he live with her gone?


AN: Tada! I, Rags to Riches, have finished another minific based off my monster Snapefic! Now for those of you who did not read _A Morning in the Snow _I shall 'splain. No, that will take too long, I shall sum up. Snape was never in love with Harry's mom rather he was in love with the character I created who is also named Lily. Her magic deals solely with fantastical creatures, talking to them, healing them, turning into them, etc. There, sum up done. This particular fic focuses mainly on Snape and was inspired by the song _Sound the Bugle Now. _The song lyrics are the words that are bolded and italicized.

A word from Ember: This has the Ember seal of flame-and-suffer-painful-demise-by-spontaneous-combustion-followed-by-implosion... uh she means approval.

Warning: This fic is very sad, literally it is saved on my computer as emosnape however I did enjoy writing it and I hope that you enjoy reading it!

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter; if I did Snape would be alive. I also do not own _Sound the Bugle Now. _

Now since you have (theoretically) patiently read through my rambling author note without further ado I present:

_**Sound the Bugle Now**_

_**Sound the bugle now - play it just for me  
As the seasons change - remember how I used to be  
Now I can't go on - I can't even start  
I've got nothing left - just an empty heart**_

Severus stopped dead just inside the door to Godric's Hollow. Dumbledore and McGonagall would have run into him had they not done the same thing. Inside there was blood splattering the walls, floor, and ceiling but what was worse was the pool of blood that was interrupted by an irregular shape, a body clearly had lain there. James Potter's body was callously crumpled in a corner as if someone had thrown it there in their haste. No one else was there in the room, not a soul.

Eventually Severus managed to move forward into the room with his wand out followed by Dumbledore and McGonagall. Something glinted slightly in the pool of blood. With a sickening feeling Severus walked over to the object. He bent down to pick it up, not daring to look at it until he straightened back up but by that time he knew what it was. Finally he opened his hand and inspected the blood-covered object. It was Lily's engagement ring.

Something ripped through Severus's chest and stole his heart so that all that remained was hollow hole that lanced pain through his body as he slammed to his knees in the pool of blood. Severus clutched the engagement ring he had given to Lily scant hours ago to his chest as he hunched over. She was dead. There was no other alternative. With the amount of blood that was everywhere there was no possibility that Lily could have survived without immediate attention and now even her body was gone.

Dumbledore motioned to McGonagall to not go to Severus as he began to weep; instead the two of them began to inspect the rest of the house. In the kitchen they found the chairs hastily pushed back and several dishes had shattered on the floor. Someone also had made use of the sink to throw up their breakfast in. As they continued to poke around the kitchen a noise shattered the eerie silence; a baby's cry.

It came from upstairs so Dumbledore and McGonagall swiftly made their way up the stairs and followed the noise to the nursery. Lily Potter was dead in front of Harry's crib and, like James, no marks appeared on her body, evidence of the killing curse. The crying came from the crib and in it lay Harry. On his brow was a lightening shaped scar that looked as if it had been there since birth. McGonagall picked up Harry and soothed him with soft shushing noises as Dumbledore gathered up the body of his mother and carried her downstairs followed by McGonagall.

Severus was still weeping in the puddle of his Lily's blood, the silent sobs shaking his body. At Dumbledore's shake of his head McGonnagal continued outside and waited for the others as Dumbledore carried out the bodies of Lily and James Potter. Severus did not move.

_**I'm a soldier - wounded so I must give up the fight  
There's nothing more for me - lead me away...  
Or leave me lying here**_

It took Dumbledore several minutes to convince Severus to get up from the puddle of Lily's blood and to help him walk out the door and into the waiting coach. The first coach had left to bear Lily's and James Potter's bodies back to Hogwarts, this second contained besides Severes, two aurors and Hagrid who held Harry. Severus felt a dull thought that somehow this small child had lived and his Lily had not. This still dull thought would help him to fuel the façade of his hatred towards Harry in the years to come but for now it was pushed away by the overwhelming anguish that consumed Severus.

Dumbledore, McGonagall, and many other witches and wizards stayed behind at Godric's Hollow to see what truly happened there. Only Dumbledore knew the nearly complete truth and even then he still did not know what had become of Severus's Lily. No body was ever found, nothing for Severus to bury. What was assumed to be all that was left of Peter Pettigrew was found and Sirius Black was apprehended, tried, and imprisoned in Azkaban but no Lily. This betrayal of Sirius's placed a stab of red hot anger through Severus's gray world but even that could not survive for long against the grief.

Severus did not know how long he sat in his room; there was no reason to do anything else, no meaning. Lily was gone, how could anyone expect him to do anything? How could he expect himself to move on? How would he even know how? Normally Lily would charge in and snap him out of any fits of melancholy but now she was not here, nothing was here.

Dumbledore and McGonagall stood outside the door to Severus's quarters one day in a hushed conversation.

"But Albus, he hasn't bathed, changed his clothes or hardly moved in days! He barely drinks and eats and won't speak!" She whispered to him in that hushed tone that still managed to convey the same thing as a shout.

"Minerva, we cannot try and force him out of this. All we can do is support him. For him it wasn't just that a friend died or family member. She quite literally was half of him, it would be like having half your heart taken away. Severus may eventually adjust to that feeling or without her he may see no point to living," Dumbledore replied softly.

"You can't mean that he would kill himself?" she asked, slightly shocked.

"Not quite kill himself but rather simply cease trying to live. If he chose Severus would simply fade away. The more we try to force him the more likely he is to do that. Come on now, we should leave him alone."

McGonagall nodded and followed Dumbledore back down the hallway leaving Severus once more completely alone in his dark room.

_**Sound the bugle now - tell them I don't care  
There's not a road I know - that leads to anywhere  
Without a light I fear that I will - stumble in the dark  
Lay right down - decide not to go on**_

Severus preferred the dark now, it was like him; it held no hope for something brighter, it would always be black. Even his heart had turned black from grief. There was just one thing about Severus that he could not make black. It was his mind that would keep presenting him with memories of his Lily; of things she said whenever he had been 'a moping idiot' in her words. She had been what had kept him from turning into a bitter soul then and she still refused to let him become one now, even after she was dead. Still her memory was not strong enough to do anything but this and keep him alive. Severus had heard Dumbledore's and McGonagall's conversation outside his door earlier, he knew he could simply fade away and yet every time he contemplated it he thought of Lily and somehow he just couldn't.

Dumbledore had also come back later that day with a small meal. Once Severus had mustered up the energy to eat some of it he had spotted the letter that Dumbledore had also left. A few minutes later Severus had opened and read the letter. In it Dumbledore explained that Harry had been left with his blood relatives; the Dursley's where he would remain safe from Voldemort. However, once he turned the proper age Harry would have to come to Hogwarts and once here he would need protection and preparation for his fight against Voldemort. Dumbledore went on to offer Severus the position of potions master, continued double agent, and unofficial protector of Harry Potter. Harry needed someone to be harsh and cruel to him in a way that would test and strengthen him without the chance of actually destroying him.

Later in the letter was the real sucker punch from Dumbledore. He said that Harry was the only one who could truly destroy Voldemort and therefore the only one who could truly help him avenge Lily's death.

Severus dropped the letter back onto the table and slumped back into his chair. A little while later the tray with its uneaten contents was removed but the letter remained in clear view. Another day passed and teaching robes were draped upon a chair in Severus's room. At least they were black. Still Severus did not move.

_**Then from on high - somewhere in the distance  
There's a voice that calls**_

Sitting on another table Severus spotted a letter perched upon a pile of papers. He recognized the color of the wax seal. He had joked she only used it because it was the same color as her hair. Lily always laughed at that but never argued it but rather simply tossed her hair and reminded him how fond he was of her particular shade of scarlet hair. Severus put out his hand and the letter flew from the table to him. This particular letter Lily had written him sometime after he had told her that he was a double agent for Dumbledore. She had not been happy to hear that but after he let her rant for a good bit she calmed down and agreed that they should do all that they could to help defeat Tom Riddle as she insisted on calling him. Lily always said that there was power in a name and if everyone called him Tom Riddle it might remind them that he wasn't immortal and that he was once a normal wizard. Severus shook his head to rid himself of the memory and began to reread her letter.

_My Dear Severus,_

_I hate that I have to write to you when we are so close to each other. I know that it's necessary in order to keep us all hidden and keep your cover but it still irks me. I can't wait until you come and visit us and it's only been a week since I saw you! I'm not quite sure why I'm writing this now but I feel as if I should tell you this. _

_I know your work is very important to Dumbledore but I still worry about you in the presence of all those true Deatheaters. Well really what I wanted to say was to__** remember who**__**your are. If you lose yourself, your courage soon will follow. So be strong tonight, remember who you are. **__I will always love you. _

_Love,_

_Lily. _

For the first time since that slow carriage ride back to Hogwarts, Severus wept. Finally when his tired body could weep no more Severus lifted his head and gently kissed the last letter Lily would ever send him and set it upon the table next to Dumbledore's letter. He stood up, washed his face and hands and then caught sight of the teaching robes that still sat upon the chair. A look of determination came over Severus's face and he finally decided what to do. He would avenge Lily and by doing so help to bring about the true death of Voldemort. He would do all that Dumbledore asked, and above all he would live for Voldemort's death. That would be the only thing that kept him alive.

A few minutes later Severus was striding down the halls of Hogwarts in teaching robes with his wand out. Anyone that saw him moved out of his way immediately and sighed in relief when he passed. The gargoyle outside Dumbledore's office let him in without argument. Dumbledore looked up from his desk as Severus entered. Dumbledore took in Severus's appearance and nodded once. He knew, he had always known and he also knew that though Severus would survive he would never again be truly alive.

_**Ya you're a soldier now - fighting in a battle  
To be free once more -Ya that's worth fighting for**_

_The End_

AN: I am so mean to my characters sometimes. Well, I hope you enjoyed it and feel free to review but no flames as they will be used to power my new flamethrowers. Remember, reading fanfiction is always more important than doing your homework!

_Rags to Riches_


End file.
